What Do You Want Money For?
… The Question That Changed My Life.
Perhaps it wasn't just the question itself…
…it was the honest and brutal search for the answer. Not an answer for others, not for a random workshop exercise, but the real, deep, personal, secret, and honest quest for the meaning of money in my life.
Have you ever really stopped to think about why you pursue money? I'm not talking about the obvious answers like "to be happy" or "to buy a new car." I'm talking about something much deeper, something that, if you dare to explore it with honesty, can shake your perception of life and transform your path.
More than 20 years ago, that simple yet powerful question changed my life. It took me time to take on the real responsibility involved in answering from the deepest part of my consciousness, and even longer to coherently integrate that answer into my daily life. But today, I want to share it with you because it might save you from a journey of searching that all of us, at some point, must undertake.
From Spiritual Calling to the Financial World
When I finished high school, I found myself at a crossroads. On one hand, I felt a strong calling towards the Catholic priesthood, following the Jesuit path that had shaped me. The idea of serving and helping people from a spiritual perspective was very appealing. But, on the other hand, there was an undeniable pull towards the material world, economics, and finance. I thought: "People need spiritual help, yes, but they also need material things, money to get things done."
This duality led me to choose the path of finance. I became a financial advisor, and for over two decades, my job involved helping individuals and families build financial plans. The question I always had to start with was: "What are your goals?"
But over time, I realized that this question, while necessary, disguised a much more powerful and real one: "What do you want money for?"
The "Stupid" Questions That Confront Us
If you answer quickly, you'll say: "To be happy, to buy a car, for vacations." But if you dare to go deeper, to constantly ask yourself "what for?", "why?", you'll realize that the simplest questions are, at their core, the most important ones. They confront us, make us uncomfortable, and often, we put them off, numbing ourselves in our routines.
We believe we're looking for a new car, a home of our own, a good salary, or to give our children what we never had. But I assure you that, deep down, you're looking for something greater. These answers are just pretexts seeking to satisfy something your unconscious is truly demanding.
The 9 Emotional Motivations Behind Money
I propose an exercise. From the following nine options, choose the three that resonate most with you, then rank them from the one that "bothers" you the most to the least:
To always be in control
To gain approval
To achieve recognition
To demonstrate your distinction
To achieve autonomy
To feel secure
To seek pleasure
To feel powerful
To be comfortable
In my practice as a financial advisor, I understood that money has a profoundly emotional component within us. Perhaps you want a new vehicle to show it off and feel more valuable. Or a lot of money in the bank to feel secure and not depend on anyone.
The Link to Childhood Wounds
All these emotional motivations for seeking money are rooted in what psychologists call childhood wounds. Life, in some way, deeply hurts us when we are children, and we go through life trying to cover up these wounds, creating a character, a personality, and based on that, our beliefs.
It's possible that your relationship with the world, with people, and particularly with money, is deeply influenced by one or more of the following wounds you might have received in your childhood:
Injustice
Devaluation
Manipulation
Abandonment
Rejection
Betrayal
Overvaluation
Humiliation
Repression
Now, let's return to the question: What do you want money for?
A person who was repressed and not allowed to express themselves might seek comfort to avoid conflict. A humiliated person is likely seeking power to never be humiliated again. This is how we can see the relationship between these wounds and the emotional motivations that drive us to pursue money.
Healing Your Relationship with Money
Realizing that all the money in the world won't heal your wounds is the first step. You need to become aware of them, work with courage, forgive, and observe with compassion those who caused these wounds.
This is an evolutionary path of consciousness that will lead you to find meaning in material things, beyond the neurosis of revenge or reparation. It will allow you to give meaning to life, to find a greater and more significant motivation where money serves you, and you are not serving money.
Knowing yourself, as the Greeks understood millennia ago, is the best investment. Awaken a greater, more significant reality, and live fully. We have the right to a tranquil, prosperous, and abundant life. Understanding how you are compensating for your childhood wounds with money helps you heal that relationship and use money for what it is: an instrument that allows you to achieve something greater and more meaningful.